Wednesday Writing: D&D Journal

I play D&D 5e every other Friday and after having some rp issues, I decided that I needed to write a journal entry for my character. This accomplishes two things for me:
1 - I am writing!
2 - I begin to understand the character more, so my role-playing choices are more in line with her not with me.

This time around, I picked a paladin. Never played a paladin before, but every pally I've played with has been a self-righteous law abiding member of society. Sooooo, I went a different route.

Stipulations of the game: We all had to be human. No, we didn't get the human bonus. We were given specific stats to apply as we wished: 18, 18, 14, 14, 10, 8

My stats ended up as follows: STR 14, DEX 10, CON 18, INT 8, WIS 14, CHA 18

Those of you familiar with gaming stats will recognize the significance of an 8 intelligence. It makes for some really fun game-play. It also explains the grammar and thoughts in the journal entry below.

Widget's Introduction
Read this with a super-thick Russian accent and you're good to go.

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They call me Widget. Why, I do not know. I am certain it is not the name I was graced with, but my parents, they have not been to correct for long time. That is the thing with names, I have found. What people call you, that is what you are called. So I am called Widget.

My country, Lioness, it is beautiful and wonderful. It is also filled with power hungry “nobles” –ha!— constantly with the fighting over who gets this piece of shrubbery or that part of hill. This makes for very interesting lifestyle for rest of us. We get to see entire country before age 12!

You build house or cottage one day. You plant field next day. Three days after, all is burning because Lord Anatoly’s uncle’s brother’s aunt’s best friend’s cousin wanted to pick fruit off that tree, and Lady Sasha said, “Not today. Come tomorrow after tea.”

So, I become Widget. In all my travels, I see nobles rise, I see them fall. Everything changes. So I do, too. My two younger sisters, Katrena and Vidina, they survive even today because I do what I must to keep them in clothes and food. It not always be tasty, but it fits in the stomach, so that is good. I keep them in laughter, and that is even better. Laughter may not warm the toes, but it warms the soul.

Warming the toes, well, is easy enough: Relieve lords and ladies of heavy wool loads they bear. So heavy, they are stored in wooden drawers. I do my patriotic duty by storing their burdens on my sisters’ feet. Perfect solution!

The lords, bah, they may have the power today, but maybe tomorrow they be the one with the burned house and fields. Or maybe resting uncomfortably in bed, not knowing why they pee green for a month. Strange things what certain herbs dropped accidentally in a well can do.

Perhaps I am not greatest at picking the locks, but I am good enough. I am not greatest at the sneaking, but I was much better before Watch leaders dressed me in half-plate, trying pull me from Vidina and Katrena to use my skills to fight the evil. Was problem until they agreed my sisters be taken care of. Put in school, warm beds. I not worry about them so I can worry about fighting what comes through the veil. So okay. 

Now my goddess, the incredible and wonderful Leira, she grant me the power of laughter and trickery, and I use it to slay the demons from veil. I charge in first because why not? I have shield, I have sword, I have power of laughter. Anyway, is better me first than the others who are not so good at getting hit. Or are too good at getting hit, yes?

I have met the holy holy holy warriors. So very serious. So very… what is word… religious? Proper? No, Boring. So very boring. Is much better to bless and sanctify the desecrated with a bad joke – or good joke sometimes – than with the prayers that go on and on and on.

Their gods, they have power, yes. Gets job done. But the smiles, smirks, and snorts of laughter when I am done quickly is very satisfying.

So now I fight the evil instead of fight for food. I have team, we are the Watch for little outpost in middle of nowhere along eastern edge of veil. The sea, it smells very interesting. I have never seen the sea. But to look at the veil separating us from the dead beyond, well, that is something no one in right mind can do for long. Cannot see the waves through veil.

No matter. Can make waves in bowl with water. Same thing! Put my little Nibbles in the water and get even more waves as he swims and swims. Feed him some crumbs, could be sand as the shore, yes?

My companions, they are mixed as the lands we traveled to get here. There is evil thief Kezdaya. She fights the big evil with her little evil, so ok. She has nose in books all the time. Words, words, words. Always the talking, always the books. Bah! Words, they mean nothing. The actions, they mean everything. She will learn this. Maybe after she die, but she will learn it eventually. Also, is very good with her crossbow. One day it will be my death. Will be great joke from my goddess!

There is drunk monk Bataar. He is amazing at the fighting and the stabbing and the punching. Also very good at the getting hit. Perhaps this why he prefers to stay drunk? He drinks all the ale in the cellar. Leaves us with nothing. Makes for a lot of glaring and muttering. But is okay. His room, we give to our “dirt mage.” (I learn this term from innkeeper with the sad eyes.) I declare this fair. No ale for us, no room for him!

There is our dirt mage Asha. She is earning much of my respect with her jokes and teasings to the thief. Makes into a very good bat. Also speaks with the dogs and mule. And cats. Follows the thief as cat or dog, which makes thief jumpy jumpy. This makes me laugh! My goddess, she is very happy with this druid. Asha also very good at the healing. This is good for thief and monk. They two very allergic to the arrows and the swords and the spells.

There is singing rich boy Eras. His father this, his father that, again with the words. BUT! His words, they heal. His singing, it does. Half his words are the action, so is good. Other half, well, he is spoiled pretty boy who cannot get his hands dirty. He is much better with his words than the thief, I give him that. But the complaining to daddy for everything deserves much eyerolling and mocking. Plenty get through life with no papa and see? Just fine.

I am healthy, I have roof, I have skills. I have amazing Goddess. All is good for me and I lost papa many years ago. But there are always the complaints about mess. What mess? I repair and fix armor as needed. Getting hit with swords and spells is no good! I need armor. But the scratches and dirt? They give character. Tell the story of what has been faced and defeated. But always with the thief and the bard is bathe, bathe, bathe. Why? So she can steal armor when I am in the water? No. This, it is not happening.

My little Nibbles and I, we will continue to face the evil, continue to joke, and he will squeak with laughter when he nibbles on corner of thief’s books, and I will laugh when we defeat next burning skeleton.