On Being Different, but not really

We're different at our house. And just a titch crazy.

I think people who think differently make the best of friends. They have the best conversations, since they see points from different perspectives. People who agree all the time don't have much to talk about, I would think. People usually have a few things in common, sure, but I think differences are the spice of relationships. (unless you disagree violently, in which case it's probably better for all involved to just keep your distance)



I will admit, though, that there are people I want to be like. Or that friends of mine have traits and aspects I wish I could emulate. Sometimes I even pick up speech patterns because I love how they talk.

A friend of mine began having pre-menopausal hormone issues earlier this year, and as her body began changing, her energy levels dropped dramatically. She's gone to several different doctors trying to get it taken care of, has finally found a doctor who has measured and prescribed and got her on a regiment of hormones that has her (not quite all the way yet) feeling back to normal. It's very cool seeing and hearing her sound like herself again.

This has been a very busy summer for me. I feel like I've been running non-stop from one thing to another with short breaks in between. At first it seemed normal that doing small things would make me feel exhausted. It's not like I'm 20 anymore, and going, going, going all the time does tend to wear one out.

Except, my energy levels are ridiculously low now. And I'd really like to smack my sub-conscious or whatever it is about me that is copying my friend. Because if I'm going to pick to be the same as her in some way, I'd rather be the same at dogged determination to research and understand something thoroughly. Or telling someone to their face exactly what I'm thinking and not care if it hurts their feelings. (It makes me cringe to even think that, but there are moments I'd LOVE to have that skill. I'd probably regret it afterward, but, well, I live up to that sayism of wishing for what I don't have.)

But copying her illness? That's just... wrong. That's the only logical explanation I can come up with, though. Something in my head must think that it's cool to get up in the morning full of things I want to do this day, do one thing and then need a nap and not be able to do anything else.

Do the dishes? Ok, too tired to make dinner. Pick the fruit from the garden? Too tired to do anything with it or even stand in the kitchen for more than ten minutes. Carry loads of laundry downstairs to the laundry room? Too tired to even remember to change them from washer to dryer. Write for an hour? Too tired to work on that art project. Or vice-verse. I get one thing in the morning, one thing in the afternoon.

It's not like I expect to be tired, either. I expect to be healthy and able to do things, and then am surprised when I can't. Except it's been going on for a couple of months now, and now I'm choosing which activities I'll do during the day to make sure I'm alert and awake for kids at peak times. Coke has become my friend in a very real way this past month.


One friend has told me I probably have thyroid issues. -- And yeah, I probably do. I'm finding thyroid issues in everyone I footzone recently, so much so that the conspiracy theorist part of my brain is sure there must be something in the water since at least ten women have said, "Oh, my doctor says pregnancy causes thyroid problems." blink.  Pregnancy CAUSES thyroid problems?? That should be listed as a known side-effect in the 'how to be a woman' manual, then if it's a known common thing. As well as every single pregnancy/maternity handbook in print.There should be warnings and public service announcements as well as billboards. Pregnancy does lots of things to a woman's body. Lots. It's never the same after. But if that's why I'm sluggish, I should have had thyroid issues TWENTY YEARS AGO! That's not to say I don't have Thyroid issues, it just means I don't believe being pregnant caused the problem. It also means I think people are really stupid sometimes. (and, you know, I could totally be the stupid one here, but I'm not buying that particular reason until I see solid evidence.)

Another friend has told me I've been cursed by someone. Sure, that's possible, too. I'm often stupid and say and do dumb things without thinking, I have no doubt I've pissed someone off somewhere that decided a curse would put me in my place. Lucky for me, that particular friend knows how to deal with these things, so I think I'm covered on that front.

Another friend has said I should probably stop saying yes to so many things and just put my feet up. Yeah, I agree to that. No, I'm probably  not going to, though. Because I LIKE doing things for people and I LIKE being needed and useful. Well. I may be forced to stop if I don't have enough energy to drive or think, but... well... until I'm dead, I'll be trying to help someone.

A couple aunts at my family reunion said that it was probably my body getting ready for menopause. In that case, yay? I am really, really, really looking forward to a cease-fire of the nuclear weapons that go off in my uterus every month. But if it means I sleep through everything, that could pose different problems. I dislike this development. My body did it's bit for childbearing. I think it deserves a peaceful and easy transition into menopause, thank you very much. 

You know, I figured if I was going to get sick or have some kind of ailment, it would be different from the norm. Something new and exotic, just for me. Like dizzy spells and tunnel vision. Oh wait...

So, I guess I'm not so different from everyone around me, after all.

I *could* go to a doctor, I suppose. However, after my friend's experience with getting told she was developing dementia, being put on the wrong kinds of pills, told they would run x tests but really didn't, or told how she was feeling was normal and to just deal with it... pardon my reluctance for spending a $30 co-pay to be told there's nothing they can do because I'm a woman and being a woman is just hard. Or if they do run tests and having to pay the percentage for those... ugh. All I can see are the bills piling up with no resolution if I go that route.

Yes, I'm a glass half-empty kinda gal when it comes to expecting answers for my health from doctors. I totally believe they can fix my husband, though, so HIS doctors are ok. (by that logic, I should go see his doctors. I doubt a transplant specialist would know what to do with me, though.)

Obviously writing a blog post about it is the correct solution. I'll wake up tomorrow having gotten this all out of my system and will feel perfectly healthy and fine, right? The magic of the internet will fix everything. Because I said so, and I'm the mom.