Wednesday, June 15, 2016

To-Do list

I am feeling overwhelmed by the things on my to-do list. Some are more important than others. Some are things I *want* to do vs things I *need* to do.

Today they all seem to be bombarding me at once.  Therefore, I'm going to type them all out so that maybe I can look at them instead of having them roll around in my brain demanding attention.

* Dishes - I load this week, my son unloads and loads the glasses and bowls. It's not a horrible task; it's much better than laundry. Put simply, I'd rather sit here and type about it than do it. lazy, lazy, lazy

* Cherries - they are ripe and need to be picked. If I ignore them, they will make a huge mess on my back patio. I've put the word out that people can come pick them.  I would also like to juice them, but that involves driving to Orem and borrowing the equipment from my grandparents. I am currently terrified of visiting them. This is crazy because I love them so very, very much, but they are close to the end, and I don't want to face that. It scares me silly to see them fading away. They've been my rock my whole life, the sole source of my stability, my true parental figures. Because of this, the cherries are giving me massive anxiety.  Maybe I'll take the coward's way out and freeze them so someone who loves cherries can use them to make syrup or something. I know I need to go give hugs and reassurance to my grandparents. I need to let them know that I love them no matter what. I need them to know that their legacy of unconditional love will live on through me. (I hope)  I want them to know how very much I appreciate that they saved my brothers and I; that they've always been there for us, no matter what. When no one else was there, grandma and grandpa were - they were always a safe haven from the awfulness of my childhood. Man, these cherries are freaking me out.

* Living Room - It's cluttered. So cluttered that I can barely think when I look at it. I'm dying to move the furniture around and toss out the stuff we never use.

* Storage Room - Holy mess of messes. I need to go through and cataloge what is in there. What needs to stay, what I can toss, and organize the whole thing. I found the china and am saving it until my oldest gets a bigger place and can pick which set she wants. I cannot stand the maze of boxes, the lack of work space, and inability to find anything when I need it.

* Family Room - My family room is not my favorite place to hang out. There are a pile of storage bins against one wall -- they've spilled over from the storage room -- and they currently block off the gas fireplace. There are three couches in there - each in their own stage of disrepair. All in need of a deep cleaning. The dog kennel is down there which certainly adds to the air quality. This room currently does not feel like a homey place, just a convenient place for the kids to go to watch movies or play the Wii when I don't want them upstairs. I want to rearrange it, clear out the bins, organize the books, and put the board games in order.

* Patio - I am dying to hang the big bag of white christmas lights all over the trellis and roof of the sun-roof thingy. I want to be able to hang out in the back yard during the evenings and mornings. I want to enjoy the patio.

* The Vine From Hell- my back yard has been overtaken by a mean, biting vine. This sucker has unforgiving thorns, has overgrown the garden, the fence, and the swingset. I need to chop it down to the fence, pull up all the sprouts, and try to kill it. It provides awesome cover and privacy from the car dealership on the other side of the fence, but wow, it's invasive and mean.

* The Front Yard Weeds - Ok, these NEED to be dealt with. City ordinances and all that. We are making progress - the kids help with this, but it requires a lot of energy to do. I can't seem to summon motivation and energy to do it daily - regardless of the benefit it gives to my brain and body. I really do feel better after I work in the yard. I am exhausted and need a nap afterward, but it does help with my mental happy state.

* Wedding Invitations - MUST FINISH!  I have an illustration that I must finish so that my daughter and (future) son-in-law can either approve or disapprove the design. I have several alternate designs for them, but this particular design was their favorite. Now I need to kick my butt into gear and get it done.  I did manage to complete their Save The Dates, so I guess that's something. Of course, that didn't involve any serious drawing on my part.

* Clothing - My children have grown. I need to get rid of all the clothes that no longer fit them. Right now this seems like a daunting task. Although when finished, the amount of laundry and piles of clothing in their rooms will be much more manageable. It takes time and the creation of a big mess to do it, though.

* Deep Cleaning - The kids and hubster do help with this when I say, "Ok, we're gonna do this today." The ceilings and corners need to be swept and cleared of the cobwebs that collect. Baseboards need to be dusted and cleaned. Walls need to be washed, the ceiling in the bathroom needs to be scrubbed down, some of the walls need to be re-painted, the kids' rooms definitely need to be scrubbed down (the walls by my son's bed especially). Nail holes need to be spackled and painted and replaced with command strips. Old piles of junk mail that my husband likes to collect need to be shredded and/or tossed. Computer desks need to be dusted and cleaned out.  I have zero clue what to do with my bank statements and check stubs. I know I need to keep them, but I currently have no idea where to put them. In a box? In a binder? Somewhere out of clutterific piles.

* Register the 12yo for Jr High - yeah, that's right. I didn't do it. She went to a charter school, therefore the junior high didn't come to her. Of course, it wouldn't have mattered if it had. I want to get a boundary variance for her so she can carpool with her cousin to his boundary variance Jr. High. (we live on the same block.)  So, yeah. That needs to be done. I've filled out all the paperwork, she's chosen all of her classes. I simply have to call the school, make an appointment with a counselor, and get it all done and finalized.

* Staining the new furniture - my father-in-law is awesome. He made bookshelves for my girls, and then left the staining to us so we could personalize them. Therefore there are two raw-wood gorgeous and lovingly made pieces of furniture in a 9yo and 12yo's bedroom. I need to protect them from scratches by staining and putting an acrylic coat on them. And yes, the girls will happily help me with that, I just have to DO it.  I'd have the hubster do it, but he gets grumpy and it's not nearly as fun for the kids when their every move is criticized.

* My Son's Window - The contract in our rental agreement states that all the windows will have blinds and/or curtains. My son was trying to open the blinds and pulled the whole thing down. They may be broken, I haven't been brave enough to check. Speaking of his window, he also knocked out half the screen. I know how to fix that as well as the blinds - but again, it's an energy thing.  "Why don't you have Rob fix it?" is the common question. Well, because he'll just yell at Wil and the rest of us, complaining that no one takes care of anything. Accidents happen, kids happen, and yep, my 7yo has learned from those mistakes. I don't think he needs to be constantly reminded that he made them. Thus my insistence that *I* will fix them with my son's help.

* My Nails - vain and stupid, right? Who worries about their nails with everything else going on?? Me. I do. My hands are the prominent thing customers see besides my face. I don't like that my nails break at work. I don't like that polish makes them crack. I don't like that the Jamberry pulls flakes off the top when I remove them after they've started to peel up- even with oil. I don't like that my nails look like I'm still living on a farm. I want pretty nails. I want to look as nice and professional as I can at work. I want to look like I care about myself. Crumbly nails are frustrating for me. I'd try acrylic if I could afford it. I don't want super long nails - I need to function. I just want pretty. It's the one really feminine thing I care about, although I rarely find the time to do anything about it. Of all the things on my list, this is the one that is always shoved to the back, and it's the one thing that makes me want to cry the most.

So, yeah.

There's my overwhelming list of to-do's. I'd add in 10 mins of sketching a day, but I do that at work. I'd add in 30 mins of writing a day as that's a personal goal. But currently that feels like one more straw on my back. I write when I want to, and read when I don't. I enjoy both, so I assuage myself of the guilt for not working on completing a story by telling myself I don't have to do it if I don't feel like it.

Sitting here at my computer, though, I am in full view of my living room. It's driving me crazy. But I can't rearrange until I have room in the basement for my art desk. And obviously my nails are driving me crazy. Some are much longer than others because two have broken down to the quick.

You know what I want??  I want my son's room to be my art room. I want to be able to lock away all of my art supplies that my children seem to think belong to them. I want the light that shines into that room, I want a place I can close off that's mine and mine alone. Not something I have to share with the grumpster. Something without a television, something with only the noise that I choose to have in it.

Does anyone else give themselves to-do lists like this? Am I simply a masochist?

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