Playing with Fire

Today I looked at my manuscript, of which I have all of six chapters left to write to finish, and I couldn't make myself write. There are many other things playing through my mind right now. I want to figure out how to enjoy this upcoming Christmas season, I want to let go of things from childhood that haunt me every year come this time, I want to feel the magic. All kinds of things completely unrelated to a slave girl lost in space.

So, when I sat down at my computer today, I decided I wanted to play with fire. I pulled out my tablet, looked through the pictures my daughter has taken for yearbook, and sorted through some background patterns I downloaded from pareeerica and after a couple of hours messing with various brushes and tools in Photoshop, managed to create this.

Yeah, I won't be quitting my day job any time soon. I'm so out of practice, I don't even know what to say. But I had an itch, so I scratched it. (I'm not even sure why I'm sharing this picture... It's unfinished and un-something.)

What is my point? I'm not even sure I have one, except that I know that the choices we make for the little things matter just as much as the choices we make for the big things. By choosing to mess around in photoshop today, I was choosing not to write.

On one hand, I was saying, "Hey, I have computer skills that I need to use so I don't forget them, and I really enjoy doing this." On the other hand I was saying, "I'm kind of afraid to finish this novel."

It was easier to sit myself down and make myself write when I had a clear goal. Now I'm sitting here having to be responsible for my actions without the cheering section that made up NaNoWriMo.

I want to be the girl in this picture. Eventually she'll be on fire completely. But for now, she's focused, she's intent, and she knows exactly what she's doing, where she's going, and how she's getting there.