I am an introvert.
Yes, I am, I promise.
This surprises a great many people who know me, because I love people. Talking to complete strangers is not easy for me, especially when I have no idea what to say. But if I have a purpose, or a question to ask, or a comment, I can do THAT without issue. And if that's a starter for me, then I can usually keep up a conversation from there. And I usually enjoy myself once I get started.
Which means I'm not shy. Exactly. I feel shy a lot, but I know people who really are shy, and I do not have the same kind of obstacle they do.
My therapist says I'm an introvert who processes externally.
This explains why:
* I can be around people on bad days, laugh a bunch with them and feel better.
* I can write soul-baring diaryish blog entries about what I'm going through. I have to talk about it to process it, look at it, deal with it, and send it on its way.
* I enjoy having things like Game Night and the occasional get-togethers.
Ok, *before* the social anxiety kicked in, I could handle bigger get togethers than I can now. Now any extra people in my house is hard, even if it's just one person.
However, all of the above considered, I still require:
* Alone time to decompress
* Time without people to just be, think, and feel.
* A quiet place to be alone with my thoughts.
* I like walking alone, but since my attempted Walk of Doom, I am not really allowed to go for walks by myself anymore. Which, you know, is understandable, all things considered.
I do not have a gazillion best friends. I *DO* have waaaay more male friends than female friends. Because girls are weird and I don't understand them. --It's probably why God sent me five daughters? So they'd confuse me even more??-- Anyway, the few female friends that I do have are dear, dear, dear, dear friends who know everything about me from the inside out. Very few people get past these mental walls of mine and see the real inner workings of my soul.
You wouldn't know it from a lot of my posts, but I really don't share everything. Because MINE.