Another TMI post...
Have you seen Brenee Brown's Ted Talk on being Vulnerable? Well, this is me doing that.
A family member suggested the other day that I look into Social Security Disability because of my mental illness and the instability that I experience.
So I did.
Turns out I don't qualify because I have been a stay at home mother for the past 14 years, regardless of how much I worked prior to that. Ok, fair enough.
The SSD guy suggested I apply for SSI. After I did that I thought, Do I really want someone to pay me to stay home and sit on my butt all day? Because that can only lead to my depression getting worse. AND an excuse to *not* try to get better at social interactions.
While yes, these are hard for me, I feel like I can make progress there if I try.
Trust me, if it felt impossible, I wouldn't do this.
So, I am trying an experiment. It may not work - let's be real here, I do have some very real limitations now. However, in spite of limitations, I applied for a part time job (hopefully *very* part time) at Ross. It's close enough that I can walk if I feel up to it.
Also, I think I can handle stocking shelves, helping customers find things, and working the dressing room with a smile. At least, I hope so.
IF I get the job, I *reaaaallly* hope they don't make me a cashier though. That would be bad. My math skills have gone completely berzerk.
I can report that I made it through their computer filter. the rest is just waiting for an interview with a real human.
Rob wants to know what I'll do if a woman has a screaming baby in her cart. That's why I have xanex? I honestly don't know what I'll do, but hopefully I'll be able to come up with a workable coping strategy.
It's been a few years since I've felt like I can try this. I don't know why now, but I'm following my feelings. If I get hired, I'll find out if responsibilities help me get out of bed on bad days, if I can love people enough to help them with a smile when I am feeling crazy grumpy, and - even more important - when they are crazy grumpy at me.
--After 11 years in Customer Service, one of those being yelled at by upset Marriott customers who had issues bad enough to get to Mr. Marriott's office, and 5 of them being yelled at or worse by angry cable customers, I *should* be able to handle grumpy people when they happen. I guess we'll see. ---
I honestly have NO idea how this is going to work out. But since I like experiments, here I go.
Wish me luck?
And, honestly, no matter how this turns out, at least I can say I tried, right? This in and of itself feels like a humongous step.