We're not telling you to suck it up

We're sure you're in a ton of pain, honey, but it'll be three weeks before you can see the doctor. Just take it easy or go to the E.R. if you really can't handle it.

Because yes, a $250 ER Co-pay and 20% of the fees is something my budget has just been dying to splurge on. And, oh, yeah, they'd want to give me morphine. Another fun thing to look forward to: red angry veins from the hydrochloric acid they call a godsend of a painkiller burns my arm off while making me hurl my stomach and lungs up.

In other words: suck it up, soldier.

You are a woman: you've had six kids, pain is an old friend, a monthly friend; you can do this.

Ok, someone's definition of "friend" is completely different than mine, but I guess I'm still breathing.

Last week it felt like my right ovary had declared nuclear war on my left. The left then mutated into some kind of shark-tooth covered alien trying to gnaw its way out of my abdomen while retaliating with carpet-bombing across the way back to the offending O.

And then all hell broke loose Saturday when I was pretty sure my lower abdomen went supernova.

Drugs? Sure. I have them on hand. I filled my prescriptions after my Appendectomy/Hernia/OvarianCystRemoval Trifecta Of Doom surgery a couple of years ago. And then never took them. Pain AND narcotic allergies really don't make for a fun experience. Especially when the narcotics don't really get rid of the pain, but add massive headaches and nausea to it.

But, you know, sometimes I take them because the pain is so bad I have to believe the other side-effects are worth it. And then it all snowballs to Hell and doesn't melt for a couple of days.

1 - I will never understand how people can get addicted to pain killers. Gross

2 - My female bits have done their part, and are broken. They're past warranty and I'm pretty sure I can't get a factory replacement, so I'd just as soon have them removed, thank you very much. Besides, if they keep fighting, who knows what other organs they'll incite into rebellion.

The last thing I need is for my kidneys deciding to be the Luke and Leiah to my brain's Emperor, with the liver shooting out cloned Storm Troopers while my pancreas declares itself the moon of Endor. I'd be a living breathing disco ball of lights, suspended from the ceiling and spinning from the blaster shots, light sabers, and Force being thrown around. Ooh, Pretty.

Three weeks.

At least the supernova has burned down, leaving my uterus a flaming bonfire. Today the two O's are sitting around it singing Kumbaya until their next high school drama fight begins and they start trying to claw each others eyes out again. Using ballistic missiles.

I'll take it. I have dishes to do and girl scouts to run and a couple of birthdays to plan. And if the O's can keep the cease-fire up for three weeks until the doctor can fix the problem, fine.

Because scheduled medical anything is cheaper than unscheduled.

top ten must-read epic fantasy books

Let's assume you're someone who has never read epic fantasy before and is interested in picking up a book. What book should you read first?

First, hopefully you understand that Epic Fantasy is going to generally mean bigger books, bigger storylines that span several books, lots of magic, is usually set in a midieval time period of some sort, and usually has lots of Dungeons & Dragons style critters in it: elves, dwarves, monsters, etc. And if you don't know what those are, I guarantee you'll find out in a hurry.

Now, most folks would say, "Start out with Tolkien! He's the father of Epic Fantasy!" And, sure, that's true. He is. But... unless you're used to his style of writing - and you've read a lot of, oh, let's say Dickens or Bram Stoker, I'm going to hand you "The Hobbit" instead of "Lord of the Rings." Trust me, it's just better for us all that way.

1 - "The Hobbit"
* Introduction to elves, dwarves, wizards, goblins, trolls, and dragons
* It's lighthearted and funny whilst still having an epic story to tell
* If you like it, the stage is now set for you to read "Lord of the Rings" as well as any number of other fantasy novels involving dwarves, elves, etc. (David Eddings, Terry Brooks, David L. McKiernan, Tracy Hickman, R.A. Salvatore, Raymond E. Feist)

There will be Tolkien fanatics who tell you to read the Silmarillion first or insist you add it to your reading list. Don't. Just trust me. Unless you read the bible often and think about how it influences your life and the culture around you, I think LOTR stands on its own just fine without having to read its bible (which Tolkien never intended to publish.)

2 - "Dragon Riders of Pern" by Anne McCaffrey.
* Completely different dragons
* Completely different world/monsters/politics/magic
* If you love these books, you'll love books by Christopher Rowley

3 - "The Swans War" series by Sean Russel - because it's a twist between the first two recommendations. And if you like those three books, then you should read his "Initiate Brother" duology, as well.

5 - "Codex Alera" by Jim Butcher
* This is getting your feet wet in epic fantasy. Six books, not small, each with awesome stories yet working together to tell a bigger story overall. Some fantastic magic here.

6 - "Scent of Magic" by Andre Norton
* this is a one book standalone novel to give you a break from the stack of books you just read and the wall of books I'm about to suggest after this. However, if you like this, you should definitely check out all of her other novels, as well as those by Ursula K. LeGuin and C.J. Cherryh. These women are the Goddesses of Sci-fi/Fantasy

7 - "Wheel of Time" by Robert Jordan, finished by Brandon Sanderson
* Ok, yes. This is a boatload of fifteen humungous books and looks daunting right off. Take it one book at a time, one word at a time. And if you love it, it's the stuff dreams and many a conversation are made of.
* Note: If you like the first few books and get bored, say in book five, I won't be sad if you put them down and go read something else. If you can't make it through book one, that's ok, too. Try "Mistborn" by Brandon Sanderson :) No, that series isn't anything like Wheel of Time, but they are epic fantasy and are awesome. In fact, if you end up liking WoT, definitely read Sanderson's books, and I would add Tanya Huff and Holly Lisle to the list as well.

8 - "Servant of a Dark God" by John Green
* I've just added this to my top ten list after reading it this week. Amazing story, amazing world, it's just that good. I think anyone who loves epic fantasy needs to read this book. And anyone new to the genre should maybe start here.

9 - Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett
* doesn't matter which book you pick up first. There are over 20 novels plus short stories, most stand alone. The ones that don't are labeled accordingly. Read them, laugh, read some more, laugh some more, and learn to laugh at the genre itself and society while you're at it. This is satire at its best.
*if you like these, I'd recommend books by Robert Aspirin, Piers Anthony, Harry Turtledove

10 - Oh, I don't know how to pick what goes here. "Time of the Dark" by Barbara Hambly? Anything by Barbara Hambly? Go read her books. Read them all, right now. The woman can write.

This post inspired by Chuck Wendig's crowdsourcing of favorite epic fantasy reads. LOTS of awesome books suggested there.

Arting through the Lows

My friend Lee was the Major General --and was FANTASTIC-- in a local community theater production of Pirates of Penzance. I told him I would do artwork for their next show, for free even, if they'd please, please, please let me help them with their backdrops.  I may not be the worlds greatest artist, but, well, it's better than them not having an artist at all.

He took me up on the offer, and I've been decorating fans for the upcoming Mikado. I've finished the flowered fans for the women, now I'm working on the big buff manly-man warrior fans for the men. 

This project has been a lifesaver for me. Struggling with being tired all the time, I've had to cancel all kinds of things because I have zero energy. But sitting in my chair and sketching out forms with a white colored pencil has activated my spirit in a way that is encouraging. I don't feel frustrated, or sad, or useless when I'm drawing.

So while my energy levels are still low (I seriously needed a nap after doing the first fan) this project doesn't make me feel tired on the inside. I pull out that silver Sharpie and get to work, gritting my teeth and forcing myself through the tired because I'm excited to see the finished result.

silver sharpie on black nylon

silver sharpie on black nylon

And nope, these are not my own original images, let me say that right up front. They are a study in black and white of some very talented artists' work. Ecept the demon. I looked at a bunch of oriental demons and came up with something that I thought would work on a fan.

black and silver sharpie. first lines drawn in w/ white colored pencil

Are they perfect? hardly. Will they work as props in a play? I think so. I'm not sure about that demon, though. I need to rethink some lines that blur or conflict or are maybe too thin.

At the end of the day, it's nice to be useful. And drawing with sharpie doesn't take anything out of me, leaving me feeling all used up. Instead I feel... filled? Does that make sense? Physically I'm tired, but I woke up in a happier place this morning after yesterdays Art Harder marathon. (thank you Chuck Wendig)

Aminals!

In May we adopted two six-year old sister beagles.

A couple of weeks ago there were two sister kittens in our back yard that we've been feeding and keeping safe. In spite of various family member allergies, I can't seem to bring myself to part with these cute little fuzz-balls.

At first, the dogs were very not happy about this. They had those kittens cornered under the table in my back yard and were proud of their hunting skills, darnit. Now, the dogs come sniff the cats and go about their business, and those little kitties fluff out and hiss and spit, and I laugh so dang hard, because they're so teensy.

So here, have some pics of the kitties and the dogs.

Ten Books That Make Me Smile, Laugh, and/or Giggle

I seem to be in a "List" kind of phase now, so what the heck, I'm rolling with it.

Books that make me laugh, smile, and feel good.

1 - "Summon the Keeper" by Tanya Huff - Paranormal - Magic, ghosts, cats, and Hell in the basement. I laugh so hard every time I read this. I think there are three?? books in the series, but this one is my favorite. I can't even count how many times I've read it.

2 - Discworld by Terry Pratchett - Satyrical Fantasy? - I don't even know which book to recommend first. The Tiffany Aching series is fantastic, it's probably middle grade or YA level. The illustrated Last Hero is also not to be missed. Dragons! Dragons!, Going Postal... it doesn't matter where you start, each book is stand-alone yet they all fit together in this beautiful world that makes me giggle, belly laugh, and enjoy the ride.

3 - Incarnations of Immortality Series by Piers Anthony - Fantasy - Piers Anthony's Death is quite different from Terry Pratchetts, and I must admit that it has been over twenty years since I've read these novels. I do remember thoroughly enjoying his take on gods and myths and not being able to devour the books fast enough. Looking them up on Amazon reminds me that I need to purchase copies for myself.

4 - The Princess Diaries Series by Meg Cabot - YA Real Life Fiction? - (is that even a genre?) Normally not my favorite genre to read, but when it's good, it's this good. Mia makes me laugh, the silliest things happen to her, and I just love her. Always a giggle to be found no matter which book it is. And lovely enough, the books don't have to be read in order if you can't find them that way.

5 - A Year Down Yonder by Richard Peck - YA Historical Fiction - At first I thought this book was going to be similar to "Walk Two Moons" in that it would be funny, but it would be more poignant and sad. (Don't get me wrong, I loved Walk Two Moons. It totally earned it's Newberry Medal, but it made me cry, so no, it doesn't get on this list.) I was pleasantly surprised. This book is full of awesome, and it didn't make me cry. I think Granny is my favorite character, ever.

6 - "Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs" by Molly Harper - Paranormal Romance - Hilarious. Can I say it again? HILARIOUS! The 'adult moments' are a little explicit, so if that makes you uncomfortable, don't read it or skip those bits. But I was rolling, seriously rolling on the floor laughing. I have had to find a copy of everything she's written because I love Molly's sense of humor.

7 - Myth series by Robert Lynn Aspirin - Fantasy/Paranormal - I was introduced to these books when I was sixteen. Oh my goodness. For one, I liked the puns in his titles. For two, I remember giggling through every story. I loved the way his magic worked.

8 - The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher - Urban Fantasy/Noir - This list would not be complete without Harry Dresden. He's a wise-ass, smack-talking wizard detective whose view on Fae, magic, etc, makes me laugh out loud. He gets his butt handed to him over and over, but he always somehow comes out on top. Well, by the end. But not always. I wanted to write a ranty letter to Jim Butcher at the end of Changes, let me tell you. But Harry, he's good people. I LOVE Harry's attitudes and his sheer determination. And, well, Bob the skull... what more can I say? They crack me up!

9 - "The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump" by Harry Turtledove - Urban Fantasy/Noir -A friend of mine lent me this book a couple of weeks ago. Imagine the 1980's powered by magic and imps. This was fun to read, because I like a good mystery and I like the tongue-in-cheek humor. It's a little dark for this list, but it was a fun read. :)

10 - The Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia Wrede - YA Fantasy - Princess doesn't like the prince she's supposed to marry, so she runs off to be a scullery maid to the dragons. And princes still show up at her cave door to beg for her hand. Read these out loud to my daughter and we giggled and laughed our way through it.

I really want to put Charles de Lint on this list. I used to have several of his books, but I think I gifted them during a move. I know the book I'm thinking of was a Jilly Copperfield novel, and I remember being delighted at the urban fantasy elements and that she was an artist. I'm not sure I could say the books were 'humorous' but I remember they made me feel good, not gritty. Even though they had grit. There was always something wonderful and hopeful that made me light up with delight when I read them. So. Go read everything by Charles de Lint and find out for yourselves how awesome he is. Me, I think I need to buy them all over again.

 What are your favorite novels that make you laugh?

Top Ten Life-Changing Books

I woke up this morning with a top ten list of books in my head. Not just any books, but books that changed my life.

A Plethora of Thoughts

On Doctors

July marked the two year anniversary of moving into this house, as well as my first ever surgery. I had my appendix removed and while they were at it, they fixed a hernia I didn't know I had and removed a cyst on my ovary. That experience is why I refuse to go to doctors now. It wasn't because of the doctor, the nurses, or the hospital. They were great. It was because of my experience recuperating. Never, ever, ever again will I put myself in a position where I can't do anything but lay in my bed for a few weeks.

Painting with Alcohol and Sharpies

A friend of mine is directing a local theater company's Mikado and has asked me to help him with props. I'm painting fans for the players.

I'd never painted on fabric before, and I pulled on what I'd learned from a colored pencil class in college when I learned how to use washes with colored pencils using fabric brushes and denatured alcohol. Since the fans are made out of nylon, and all the dyes and fabric markers suggest cotton, natural fibers, or a poly blend, I figured why not try it with marker. It's just as permanent as paint, right?

First I colored in the border with a pink crayola marker. Does that look pink to you?? Me either. I didn't like the look at all.

On Being Different, but not really

We're different at our house. And just a titch crazy.

I think people who think differently make the best of friends. They have the best conversations, since they see points from different perspectives. People who agree all the time don't have much to talk about, I would think. People usually have a few things in common, sure, but I think differences are the spice of relationships. (unless you disagree violently, in which case it's probably better for all involved to just keep your distance)

Logos!

So in between and after various camping trips this summer, I've made a couple of logo's.

I'll share, shall I?

For Jwelr's Cakes

for my cousin, MontE, because he capitalizes his E, and because he's Uncle Monkey :)

That monkey e there? Illustrated type. Finally, I can mark off that I've officially done it, now.